MESSAGE
FROM THE
WORD
ADVICE TO GODLY HUSBANDS
Colossians 3:19
SERIES: Colossians Message # 20
Many years ago, Congress passed a bill that became known as the “Endangered Species Act”. It was designed to protect animals from going extinct. The list of animals on the protection list has grown over the years. In their desire to protect endangered species, Congress omitted one, the American father. Whereas the father was the smartest man on the block a generation ago, he is now the town idiot. No longer does “Father Know best”. This change has had catastrophic consequences on the family.
The American family is in trouble largely because of the breakdown of the role of fathers in the home. There are many reasons for this. Divorce is much more acceptable today than a generation ago. Out-of-wedlock births have skyrocketed. Some fathers simply abandon their families and some mothers make it difficult for out of the house fathers to keep a relationship with their children.
In 1960, 8 million children lived in fatherless homes. That number is now over 25 million. That is
nearly 40% of all children.
35% of all births in the
More than one million children experience the divorce of their parents every year.
Nearly 20% of all children in the
40% of the couples living together have children in the home. Only 40% of those children will see their parents marry.
26% of absent fathers live in a different state than that of their children.
40% of the children who live in fatherless homes haven’t seen their father in a year, and 50% have never been in their father’s home.
72% of teenage murderers grew up with out a father. 60% of rapists were raised in fatherless homes.
Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school, eleven times more likely to exhibit violent behavior, and 75% more likely to commit suicide.
80% of the children in psychiatric hospitals come from fatherless homes.
The absence of a father increases a girl’s vulnerability to rape and sexual abuse 900%.
That is the bad news. Here is the good news. We read MALACHI 4:5,6 One of the most devastating curses on any culture is fatherless families. This is not God’s plan. God’s desire is for families to be strong and solid. As we return to our study in Colossians, we are in the middle of Paul’s advice on family. We saw last week his advice to wives. Today we see his advice to husbands. We read, “HUSBANDS LOVE YOUR WIVES AND DO NOT BECOME EMBITTERED AGAINST THEM”. We want to see God’s role for husbands. Just as a reminder, our standard for what is a good husband is not the
The primary task of a husband is to love his wife. If this were the primary focus of the American husband today, probably 90% of the family problems would be easily overcome. What does it mean for a husband to love his wife? As I looked into the scriptures, I found seven specific actions a husband can take to love his wife.
FIRST, HE MUST SACRIFICE FOR HER. It is very easy for a husband to make decisions that are based primarily on what he wants to do. We read EPHESIANS 5:25 How is that as a standard? How far should our sacrifice go? It should go all the way to laying down your life for your wife. Many men would say, “I am willing to die for my wife, its giving up the remote control I have problems with”. That is a part of the sacrifice. What does it mean to sacrifice? It means I set my desires aside so that I can meet the needs of her.
Look at the illustration form Ephesians 5. In the Garden, Jesus asked the Father to remove the cup of suffering from Him. However, He sacrificed His desires for His bride, the church, and went to the cross to pay the penalty for sin. That obviously in the ultimate sacrifice. What are areas in which husbands can sacrifice? Giving up leisure time, hobbies, financial spending, and the ultimate sacrifice, GOING TO THE MALL, are all ways we can demonstrate sacrifice for our wife.
SECOND, HE MUST PROTECT HER. I believe that most husbands would come to the defense of their wife if she was being attacked. I believe this goes much farther than that. How does a husband handle the children criticizing their mother? How does a husband handle a disagreement between his wife and his mother? That is a touchy issue isn’t it? We see a perfect example of this in the life of Abraham. We read GENESIS 12:9-20 Abraham saw the servants of Pharaoh coming, suspected they would kill him so that Pharaoh could have Sarah and told her to lie to protect him. God stepped in and protected Sarah, but it could very well have resulted in Pharaoh’s killing Abraham for his lies. Abraham risked Sarah’s well-being to protect himself. Talk about not loving his wife. One way to see how you are doing is simply to ask your wife. Is there an area in which you feel you need to be protected and are not getting it?
THIRD, HE MUST UNDERSTAND HER. Talk about dreaming the impossible dream. This is one of those statements that we must take on faith. Every husband scratches his head and wonders how it is that a wife thinks. Just as a wife doesn’t quite know how her man thinks, so a husband is baffled by his wife’s thought process. Peter writes that a husband is to live with his wife, “…IN AN
When we lived in
How does a man learn to understand his wife? He spends hours observing and studying her. This takes time and effort, but it is the cost and the benefits are great.
FOURTH, HE MUST HONOR HER. This is an area in which I don’t always succeed. Most husbands treat their wife like she is one of the boys. She needs to be treated like she is Miss
How a man talks to his wife and about his wife goes a long way in accomplishing this task. If you speak disrespectfully to her, you will not honor her. If you talk rudely to her in front of the children, they will do the same. If you have names for her in public that belittle her, you do not honor her. When my wife and I got married, I made a promise that I would never make her the butt of a joke. I have watched husbands literally destroy their wife by the jokes they make up about her and tell in public.
Do yourself a favor. Do your children a favor. Never mock or ridicule your wife in front of others, or in front of your children. You will never regret that decision. This is why opening the door and holding a chair for your wife is so important. It is a means to honor her.
FIFTH, HE MUST BE SATISFIED WITH HER. This is one of the most important aspects of being a husband I will say all day. Women are attracted through words. She sees life through her emotions. This is one of the reasons women cry. This is why women are so often lured by “Bad Boys”. They may be bad, but they say the right things. Men are attracted by sight. They see an attractive woman and are instantly alerted. This is why most plastic surgery is on women, to attract men. Both sexes have danger signs. Men’s are much more noticeable.
How can a man tame this sexual urge? It is one of the most important attitudes he must develop in his marriage. It is the attitude of satisfaction. We read PROVERBS 4:17-22; 5:15-23 There is no issue more tragic today than immorality among the people of God. God’s desire is for a man and a woman to come together in marriage and live a lifetime together. Immorality is the greatest danger to that union. That begins most often when men’s eyes begin to wander. The manifestation in this is pornography. I know that in some circles pornography is not seen as a major deal. In the
SIXTH, HE MUST PRAISE HER. This is difficult for some men. The usual response is “Honey, you know I love you”. This is similar to honoring your wife but there is a difference. In most cases, honoring has to do with our actions. You show your wife how valuable she is by doing things for her. Praise must be verbal. We read PROVERBS 31:28, 29 The primary word in that verse is “…SAYING…” You might wonder how you can do this. To say too much is not good, because it comes across as phony. If she sews, you can say, “doesn’t her dress make her look nice, she sewed it herself”. There is another way to say that same thing. You could say, “My wife sews her own clothes because she is too cheap to go shopping”. Did you notice that one belittled her and the other praised her? There are so many ways a man can praise his wife. Look for the things she does well. It doesn’t always need to be public.
When we got married, people gave us recipes so we would be able to eat well. One of those recipes was by the wife of our former pastor and was for bran muffins. In our move, we lost the recipe card. When we got back to
LAST, HE MUST NOT BECOME BITTER AT HER. This brings us back to our passage in Colossians. What causes a husband to become bitter towards his wife? Let me give you several things. 1) A lack of loyalty. This is seen most in her refusal to break from her parents or from her friends. Family and friends are important, but he needs to be first. 2) A lack of support. This can be seen in a wife’s refusal to submit to his leadership. Many women want their husbands to lead, but fight every decision he makes and criticize him when the decision doesn’t work out. This is why some men become passive. Why make a decision when she is just going to over rule it? 3) A lack of understanding. This is seen in the ways men and women think differently. Women have a difficult time understanding why men can’t just get it. The reason is, they aren’t women. This is seen primarily when a women tries to get her man to guess what she wants to do. I can guarantee that a man will guess wrong every time. Women, let me save your marriage. Don’t ask your husband to guess what you want to do. Tell him. He is dying to please you, but he is a terrible guesser. Let him know what your desires are and he will be more than likely to do it, if he understands there is praise at the end. If he does the task and is criticized for not doing it sooner, he will become bitter.
What is the husband to do? In Ephesians 5, Paul tells husbands to love his wife as Christ loved the church. How did Jesus love His church? He practiced forgiveness. Every sin the Bride of Christ commits, Jesus forgives. Why? That is the nature of love. A husband who practices joyful forgiveness will usually discover in a little bit of time that he has a grateful wife.
Glen Jackson is the pastor of Faith Christian Church in Simi Valley, CA. All rights are reserved
