MESSAGE

       FROM THE

    WORD

                                          ADVICE TO GODLY CHILDREN       

                                                       Colossians 3:20 

SERIES:  Colossians                                                                                          Message # 21

            In 1940, public school teachers were asked to identify the top three problems they faced in the classroom.  They listed talking in class, chewing gum, and making noise.  In 1990 a similar survey was conducted and the most common problems facing teachers were drug and alcohol abuse, pregnancy, suicide, rape, robbery and assault.  Over the past sixty years, a dramatic shift has occurred in the family.  This can been seen in the drastic rise of divorce, the drop in the number of children per family, and the isolation of children as they move from community to community and away from family units.  In 1940, nearly every child in America lived with both biological parents and within ten miles of other relatives.  Today, 40% of all children in our nation live without one biological parent in their home. 

            As we continue our study through the book of Colossians, we find ourselves in the midst of Paul’s advice to families.  This morning, we want to look at what Paul instructs us in regard to our children.  We read           COLOSSIANS 3:20                    The role of children has changed over the past two centuries.  One of the reasons for this is because the family has changed. 

            Let me give you some information on the family.  This information is neither good nor bad, it is just where we are as a nation and as a family.  The purpose for sharing this is so that we can know where we are.  Before we can correct a situation, we need to understand what the situation is.  Before action is taken, we need to clarify the issue.  When our nation came into existence, there were about 25 million people living mostly along the Atlantic Ocean.  The largest city was Philadelphia, with a population of 50,000 people.  That is just slightly more than live in Moorpark today.  About 75% of our nation lived out in the country and farmed.  They came into the city to sell their products, but didn’t stay to long.  Those who did live in the cities banded together along ethnic and family lines.  Communities such as “Little Italy”, “Germantown”, and the Jewish community allowed for safety and propagation of their culture.  They also made sure their children learned English and the American culture.  Most people lived within these communities their entire life.  They went to school, got married, were employed, and died without ever leaving this community for very long.  Children spent their entire life with their parents, grandparents, and children. 

            Our nation today is made up of nearly 300,000,000 people, 75% who now live in large metropolitan communities.  The majority of children do not live with both parents, have no relatives close by, and have no connection to their ethic origin.  It is not uncommon for one set of parents to meet the other set of parents for the first time at their children’s wedding.  It is very likely that someone from the east might marry someone from the south and move to the west for a job after the wedding.  The nuclear family is the exception, not the rule.  20% of the families in our nation move every year.  This makes it difficult for families, and especially children to grow roots.    Because we have moved from an agricultural culture to a service culture, children are no longer economically viable.  Couples may want to have a child, but for different reasons. 

            In a farming community, children earned their keep by feeding the animals, milking the cows, and collecting eggs.  Children were a necessity because of all the chores that needed to be done.  They also provided for their parents in their old age.  Children are now an economic drain.  In our community, there are more homes than there are children in our public schools.  The number of children per family has dropped dramatically, creating a new term for this.  It is called DINK and stands for “Double Income, No Kids”.  Obviously this cannot continue for long, or the society will collapse.

            The Industrial Revolution changed the family dramatically.  It allowed families to move about the country and still stay in touch.  It also brought technological gadgets into the mainstream of our society.  We have people alive today who have seen the automobile invented and man land on the moon.  The cell phones and palm pilots we carry around in our pockets have more power and memory than did the Lunar module that carried men to the moon in 1969.  When this year’s high school graduating class was born, there were no internet sights available to the public.  This year nearly every child in America has a cell phone, e-mail address, Web page, and Blog space.  They talk constantly on their cell phones, text mail their friends, have probably logged onto inappropriate web sites and will spend 20 hours a week playing video games, much of it violent.  The typical parent’s response of “We did things like that when we were their age” isn’t true.  We didn’t have the things available to use that are available to our children.  This is why parents need to monitor what their children are doing and where they are going.  That is not a violation of their rights, it is accepting of your right as a parent. 

            Let’s see what God has to say about all of this.  We read                 PSALM 127:1-3               This is absolutely essential for us to understand and promote.  While society sees children as expendable, God sees them as His most precious gift.  We are not here this morning to discuss the problems with the younger generation, but rather how to raise a generation of young people who can change the world.  Look at how God worked in history.  When God wanted to deliver the Jews from Egypt, He had a baby born, Moses.  When God wanted to deliver His people from the Philistines, he had a baby born, Sampson.  When God wanted a Prophet, he had a baby born, Samuel.  When He wanted a king, He had a baby born, David.  When He wanted a Messiah, He had a baby born, Jesus.  There has never been a movement of God in the history of the world that did not begin with the birth and the training of a child.  This brings us to Colossians.  What does God want from the children He gives to families?

            FIRST, WE SEE THEIR IDENTIFICATION.  This is pretty simple.  The word for children is not an infant.  It is the word for anyone living under the umbrella of their parent’s control.  He is talking about every child who has not gotten married or begun their own homes.

            SECOND, WE SEE THEIR ACTION.  What are children to do?  They are to “OBEY YOUR PARENTS…”  Talk about controversial.  I came across a study on the family which was reported in the June 17, 2004 issue of USA TODAY.  It is entitled “Do Evangelical Protestant Fathers Know Best”?  In the article, the study concludes that fathers who attend Evangelical churches are more likely to spend time with their children than those who do not attend those churches.  The fact that the Bible is preached in those churches and the Bible gives fathers the responsibility to raise their children, might be a reason for this fact.  The article then goes on to quote an opponent to this idea.  We read, “The idea that evangelical Protestanism helps men become better fathers has its critics.  Scott Coltrane, chairman of the department of sociology at the University of California-Riverside, says that because some evangelical Protestant churches promote strict patriarchal values, they might do more harm than good to family structures.  ‘Some churches teach that fathers are the head of the family, and there is a pecking order with women and children at the bottom,’ he said…He also downplays the advantages of going to church or being an Evangelical Protestant when it comes to being a good father.  ‘I see that there are multiple pathways to involved fatherhood’, he says.  ‘The key is whether a family is child-centered…’”  There are other statements he makes, but that last one is the key.  The biggest, and most deadly change in our culture over the past century in regards to the family is its commitment to being “child-centered”.  This is absolutely contrary to what the Bible teaches.  I am not advocating abusing or ignoring the specific needs of children.  I am only responding to the desire on the part of “experts” who say we need to center the family around the child.  I do not know this man’s belief system, but I can tell from his comment that he is not an advocate for having many children. 

            We read,                  PSALM 119:9,11; 145:4; PROVERBS 1:1-4, 8-19; 2:1-5; 3:1-7; 4:1-6; 5:1-6                            What

is the ideal role of a child in the family?  It is to be a learner.  Look at the media of today and ask yourself the question, “who is the smart one in most television families”?  It is the children who always know more.  The bumbling buffoon is usually the father.  That is simply nonsense.  There is one reason why children are to learn from parents and that is because parents know more than do their children.  Let me be very clear on what I am saying.  I do not believe parents are to do whatever they want and children simply have to fit into that schedule.  Children are to be a priority for a husband and a wife.  If you don’t want to raise your children, don’t have any.  However, when you have children, they become a high priority.  That may sound like a contradiction, because I just said that the family should not be child-centered.  Here is the distinction.  A family that is child-centered asks, “what does the child want”?  The Biblically-centered family asks, “What does God want this child to become and I do I accomplish that”?  This is why Solomon wrote that parents are to               PROVERBS 22:6                      It is not the responsibility of a parent to find out what a child wants to do.  Those are pretty well known.  It is a parent’s responsibility to discern what direction God wants to take a child and train a child to fulfill that calling.  I heard a joke that points out this situation.  After the birth of their first child, a Jewish couple sent out the following birth announcement:  “We, Mr. & Mrs. Ira Cohen announce the birth of our son, Dr. Jonah Cohen”.  That is a couple that is directing a child in the direction they want him to go.  Should parents give children direction?  Of course they should.  However, giving direction is far different than forcing them down the path you want them to go. 

            Because God calls for children to obey their parents, it is essential that you provide direction that will not create rebellion in the heart of your child.  How can this take place?  Let me give you the key.  Parents need to spend the vast majority of their time emphasizing character and not vocation.  When you emphasize vocation, the child can conclude they are obedient if they accomplish that goal, even if their lifestyle is immoral.  If you teach a child godly character and then talk about how they can serve God through their vocation, they will find a job that allows them to serve Him.  I talked to a man many years ago who wanted to serve God full time but needed to provide for his family.  He became a milk man and worked from 4:00 am-noon and then spent five hours a day knocking and doors and talking to people about their walk with God.

            I want to look at the greatest example of this in the Bible.  We read            Luke 2:51, 52                  Can anyone say that Jesus was out of the will of God?  He was obedient to His parents.  They did not train Him to be a Rabbi, but a carpenter.  However, they also trained Him in His walk with God.  If you train your children to walk with God, they will find the right vocation.  This is why Proverbs talks about parents helping their children learn “THE FEAR OF THE LORD”.  When that takes place children will seek God’s leading in their vocation.  Parents make a terrible decision when they make their will for their child’s vocation the issue.  Your responsibility as a parent is to get your child to seek God’s plan for their life, not yours.

            LAST, WE SEE THE REASON.  Paul sums it up pretty simply.  Why should children obey their parents?  He says, “FOR THIS IS WELL-PLEASING TO THE LORD”.  Isn’t it interesting that Paul does not tell children to obey their parents because it will please them.  The issue, as I mentioned earlier, is not the desire of the parents.  Children are to obey their parents because it pleases God.  When Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus, he put it even more bluntly.  There he wrote, “CHILDREN OBEY YOUR PARENTS…FOR THIS IS RIGHT”.  Isn’t it amazing that the idea of children obeying their parents is now controversial?  Maybe this is why children have so many struggles today.  The idea that children should obey their parents is based on one assumption; parents know more than their children.  When our Founding Fathers wrote out our Declaration of Independence, they talked about certain truths that were “self evident”.  The problem in our society today is that there are no self evident truths.  The idea that parents know more than do their children is a debatable issue today.  This is why the Christian family needs to look to God and His word for answers.  We read            PSALM 19:7-10         The word for “RESTORES” in verse 7 has to do with re-knitting a bone that is broken.  It is the idea of healing.  Our nation’s families are in real trouble today because we have rejected God’s word as the foundation for the home and for our nation. 

            Why should children obey their parents?  They do it because obedience pleases God.  Why should parents teach their children to obey them?  They do it because it pleases God.  God promises to curse children who curse their parents.  He also promises to bless children who honor their parents.  We teach our children to obey us because we understand the consequences of that action.  We teach our children to restrain their hostility because that is how they receive God’s blessings. 

            There is an exception to this.  If a parent requires a child to turn their back on God or to do evil, they are to follow God’s word.  However, if they are simply asked to do something they don’t like or don’t want to do, they are called to obey. 

            How important is this?  We read                JUDGES 2:10-12                          The fate of our nation is in the balance.  When a people walk after God’s word, He blesses them.  We a nation chooses to walk away from God’s plan, a curse will follow.  Our responsibility is to train up our children to walk in the paths of God’s people.  To seek His will and to train our children to follow Him, not their friends, the culture, or even us is our highest calling.  Paul writes,          TITUS 2:3-5         Having a well-paying job is important, but raising the next generation to love and obey God is essential.  This is our highest priority.